By Chaesoo Han
When darkness draws closely, my dreams are full of pleasure,
They vanish far beyond my shining memories, as I fall into a deep sleep.
My wife, bestowing her genuine love on me with perseverance and understanding,
Sinks into the beauty of human instinct and relations.
When dusk draws its large drape, my soul rocks slowly and then
Abruptly trembles, fearing of visualizing the moment of my birth.
Desperate again! Do you see this moment, the momentum of all existence?
Do you see the continuum of every movement?
A sand storm whirls over the sky, A harsh sand storm
Circles over the mountain.
A crowd is gathering in waves, looking upon the summit of the mountain.
The great man of wisdom, the Omnipotent..., my Lord stands mute,
He is holding a flower with a supreme smile. An aura about his face.
A momentary silence floats in the air, the Load waves the flower in grace.
A ragged disciple looks upon the mountain, turns and steps away with a shining smile.
Oh, Kashyapa, Maha kashyapa!
However, I stand simply dumbfounded among the gathered crowd and look up
To vast opening of the clouds spreading in boundless space.
How many milleniums are there to survive?
The darkness reveals the brightness, the brightness eludes
To the shadows of a dark night.
The naked human body on the edge rushing to overcome time and space,
Thereafter, voices are heard by the disciples of Buddha.
And truth is heard in the night,
The brightness is a prism light for aeons... Never ending.
"Monks, go and travel around for the welfare of the multitudes,
For the happiness of the multitudes, out of sympathy for the world,
For the benefit, welfare and the happiness of human beings."
Each moment of past, present and future,
Moment by moment. Oh! Buddhas of the three worlds,
Shining ones, brightened ones and enlightened ones.
Now, the beam, shining, pierces through my mind's eye.
As though it is penetrating whole my being,
Abruptly demolishing sound is heard,
And the demolished debris is falling.
I just stand there mute, dumfounded.
My body is shaking by the discrepancy and contradiction of absurdity.
Moment by moment I will survive
In debt of gratitude and cordiality of numerous human beings.
Now, I vaguely see the dim and thin beam of wisdom,
Then, another voice is heard from the cave,
"All five skandhas are empty.
Form, sensation, perception, volition and consciousness
Are all like this.
Sariptra! Form does not differ from emptiness.
Emptiness does not differ from form.
Form then is emptiness, emptiness then is form!"
At this moment why does my affective memory recall the image of my mother?
My bosom... my bosom becomes buoyant and my fantasy is ripen like grapes,
Oh, the purity of grapes in the bright sun
The lost suband the happiness of my liberation resuscitate,
Then, what should I fear, now?
The shadow of my mom is slowly vanishing
Like an image in the cloud,
Then, every moment of affection... bubbles away,
And the pain and suffering are vanishing. And...
No wisdom and no attainment with nothing to attain,
A gust of wind whistle in the air,
A companionless lonely flower is shaking in a wintry field,
l also stand there lonely and alone.
Far away, the rivers, flowing into the ocean, renounce their names,
Beyond the horizon, our raft is fading away into another dimension.
Oh, Bodhisattas, Mahasattva, on the wheels of awakening,
There are noand no
Now, l realize neither you nor I exist.
Where time and space is broken off.
There l see you.
Oh! my Bodhisatta! Bodhisatta!
<March 12th 2002>
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(*위 글은 관음사 30년사 총연감에 실린 글이며, 사진은 한재수선생이 80세에 '낱말없는 경전'(도서출판 고글)이라는 예술평론집을 펴낸 때 모습이다.)